Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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