Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
