So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
