I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
