Dual....:-)
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
