ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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