I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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