..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
