As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
