I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
