dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize