I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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