So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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