yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
