Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
