3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
