All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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