I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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