forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
