Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
