he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Randomize
