Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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