The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
