I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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