My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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