i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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