somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
