So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
