Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
