I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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