I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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