I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
