you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
