i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
