took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
