This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
