sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
