Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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