Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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