ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
that's an acceptable place to lick
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
