Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
