his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
