if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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