Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
