It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
