You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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