i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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