dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
