Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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