dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
