Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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