I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize