i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
