can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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