I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
