I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize