Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
