I'm eating all of the evidence.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
