Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
