In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
