You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
