I love black thongs
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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