so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
