we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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