I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
