everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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