Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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