don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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