Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Operation Purity has been aborted
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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