At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
