talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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