bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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