yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
