we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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