4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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