How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
