well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
