Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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