i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize