No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is Oprah even human
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
