you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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