ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
