ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
