my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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