I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
