I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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