Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
