Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
