im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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