It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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