What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
