Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize