i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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